See, day in and out, we go through the daily grind trying to make every dollar of the income that we take home a well-justified one. At the same time, we make sure that we do not, in our pursuit for the 'illusive happiness',reach a selling-out point. In other words, we do what we have to do (as vocation, passion, interest etc) because there is a sense of purpose; a higher order meaning that helps define us as an individual and a human being.
The last months of being away from the computer found me re-connecting myself with people who are dear to me. People who know what my horoscope reading for the day is or what I had dreamt about the night before. People whom I could call at odd hours of the day to share with them my insecurities or my inspirations. People who are patient enough to entertain my whims, fancies and repeated unflattering attempts at cracking jokes. Naturally, I have to reiterate that the process is reciprocal.
A dream that was born out of sheer tiredness from having to work rather long hours (not that I'm complaining - another one of those 'no-yes' situation ;-s) and that very strange vibes that one sometimes get when one has to do work with people. Needless to say, life goes on and I had found myself chalking up some odd hours at home trying to tidy up the loose end at work or sort out some thoughts to ensure clarity.
I managed to squeeze out of him the names of people who make such remarks aout me but I know I do not owe these people anything. I don't need to prove to them my worth. For a start, I can neither comprehend nor understand the logic between being under-estimated with being intimidating. Maybe I look dumb or something!
Regardless, I will be at peace with the reality and most importantly, myself. Sure, I had moments of self-doubt (particularly last year), of wondering and questioning, but I'd like to know that it is part of the package of being a human being. Simply put, a transitory stage of existence. If anyone were to feel 'territorial' towards me, or fearful for whatever groundless reasons, then it will be something that I really have no control over. We cannot control anyone's mind. Moreover, to do so will tantamount to making one a psychotic, mind-control freak! I'm no psycho!
To me, sincerity is key and if it is not reciprocated the way sincerity should be reciprocrated, then sincerely speaking, it is nobody's fault. After all, who's to demand what things should or ought to be? Particularly on the ideological level. However, truth be known, it really is an unpleasant feeling to know people are gossiping and waiting for you to fall flat on the face. That's a curse. It's mean to curse! If doing so does elevate one sense of self-worth, then it'll be really a sorry state. Then again, if it makes a person happy, there's nothing much others can do.
Over the last few months, I've also learnt the real meaning of empowerment. While victims resist change or succumb to temptation (some continuously wallow in self-pity and constantly blame others, along the way disrespecting different ideas and scoring points through unhealthy means), survivors on the other hand embrace change, undo the negative effects of having succumbed to temptations and realise the powerful effect of team-playing and honouring originality of ideas and effort. So, it does not matter if one is a prostitute, a beggar or a Donald Trump. The bottom line is, what makes one successful is the ability to embrace one's weaknesses and higher existence.
Only then will the gateway of freedom open up as possibilities line itself up towards and along the horizon. After all, there's no harm in chasing after the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Just don't knock others down along the way. I believe the mighty Creator has alloted enough pots of gold for each individual to handle, beyond which insanity might beckon, perhaps?!
And oh, let mother nature and the cosmic vibration do their work too. They'll come to our lives someday - as angels, soulmates, friends, GOD, drinking mate, cats, dogs, friendsters email (thanks loads guys!
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